Sometimes I Only Want To Be Me . . .
This morning, driving to work, I was running through a list of things in my head that I do not want to be at this time. At this current moment, that list is dangerously large. I am guessing that many of you feel (or have felt) like this, too. I have felt like this before and it is a bad, bad place to go.
Overall, I would not decribe myself as a depressive person. Stressed -yes! But, for the most part, I have everyday stresses nothing too big or unmanagable. For some reason, I have hit the wall and I am very close to the point of no return. What do I mean? Basically, I have rounded the corner (full steam ahead) from Stress Avenue to Depression Lane . . . and it sucks!
There is not any one thing to blame it on, it is just a cummulation of a lot of things - all the things I don't want to be right now. The problem is - I love my life. I have more than I ever dreamed of, including a loving family, a good job, food on the table, etc. I guess that today I realized that sometimes having more than you dreamed of just weighs you down! Life is hard - when I start going down this lane, I always make it harder by complicating things, trying too hard, fumbling the easiest tasks . . .
I disappointed my Hubby by not getting the taxes done early enough.
I am dropping the ball at school (work) with the teacher that has left classes.
I am allowing my children to get on my nerves and can't find my patience.
My house looks like a train drove through it - LOL!
The list could go on. For a day, I just want to be me. Not a homeowner, a wife, a mama, a teacher, a neighbor, a friend, a CM Consultant, a DC - nothing. Such an easy thing to ask for, but a difficult thing to make happen. I'll be fine, I always pull through! In the mean time, it is getting harded to cover-up how I am feeling and show the person everyone expects.
"Don't hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love." - Leo Buscaglia