Saturday, February 11, 2006

Guilty As Charged: I'm A "Braveheart With Boobs"!

Hubby is home and everyone is so happy! Especially me - wink ;) Today, after I got home from school, we squeezed in some much needed conversation time. It was an interesting talk about a lot of things that are going on around us . . . one that lead to much emotion outpouring from me! Let's just say, I am very tired and sick; therefore, it is easy for me to get upset over things in this state of mind.

Just when I thought the conversation was done and we needed to move on to happier topics, DH asked if this would be a good time to talk about "the blog". Well, I said yes and that was probably a mistake b/c I was already worked up . . . and if you read my post from a few days ago, you know I probably needed to be a calm state of mind to start this conversation!

To make a long story short, I explained to DH that I was upset (even though he knew) about how he's was reading it and why he just didn't tell me, etc. He told me that he tried, but couldn't find the right time or way (my words, not his b/c I was too upset to remember his exact words). Then he informed me that he felt my description of it was one-sided and I didn't share the good reasons why he started reading it. Well, this upset me . . . of course, it is one-sided! This is my blog and I wanted to vent and get it off my chest, even if it was spun towards me and soliciting comments from you that might have been negative. At that time, even though he his intentions were genuine and pure, I didn't care - sorry, babe! (I personally thought it was nice that I waited a week to write about it, so I wasn't posting in pure anger and raw emotion.)

In the middle of our heated discussion over it, he told me that he didn't want to read my blog if I was going to be so one-sided, so now I get what I wanted in the first place back. At some point in time, he called me "Braveheart with boobs" on my mission to let my womanly voice out and call out to my other women. LOL! I was so pissed off, that I couldn't laugh at the time. Oh, really I was - I slammed a box down b/c I was so pissed that he has put me through this emotional rollercoaster about him reading my blog. I finally accepted and have grown to like him reading it, though I haven't had a chance to tell him b/c he just got home, and then he pulls this, "I will never read it, again" crap. Oh, no - you don't get off that easy - now your suck reading it!

In his defense, I know he probably originally started reading it b/c he was worried about me. With him gone on business frequently, I usually do one of two things: tell him too little b/c of time and my memory or tell him too much all at once in the only ten minutes we get to talk that day. I can't help it! He's my best friend, I want to tell him everything. Then, when I realize that I added too much stress on him, I clam-up and don't say much at all. Plus, sometimes I feel judged (I know it's all in my head) b/c he is not here to see how hard it really can be. That being said, he has really had a chance to see how things are going for me and has been more loving, understanding, and compassionate (though I didn't know why at first). These things make it all worth it! In the end, what I started for me has become positive for our friendship and marriage, too . . . there's nothing wrong with that!

Thank you for loving and supporting me, honey!

Thank you to my blogging friends for a being a "shoulder to lean on" and helping me find a new way to express myself. Through my "coversations" with all of you (and myself), I am becoming a better person! Definitely one that bitches less in person (I think)!

" Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more. " -- Erica Jong


candyfortheteacher said...

I totally understand you. I like my blog so i can vent. My husband started out rreally interested and even started his own blog. That lasted 3 posts. now he doesn't even think about it. It is like a journal you can share with firends that don't judge you or pass you on the street. My blog buddies are sweet, sensitive and caring. Doesn't that just make life better?

momma of 2 said...

I understand, sometimes it is so nice to vent without having everyone who knows you - know your problems. you can always move your blog address - just be sure you let me know where you went!

CameraDawktor said...

I hope he gets to know you in a new way by reading this...